The Day Lost Identity in Motherhood Hit Me Hard (And How I Found My Way Back)

I was talking with my teenage daughter once, and we were trying to get out the door. I couldn’t find my keys, so I started looking frantically anywhere I could think of. I finally found them in the pocketbook I’d changed out of the day before. My teenage daughter just looked at me and said, “Mom, you’re just losing it.” And you know what? She wasn’t wrong.

But here’s the thing—I wasn’t really losing my mind.

I was experiencing what so many moms go through – lost identity in motherhood

Are you familiar with this feeling? You’re just going through the motions of your day, checking off the endless boxes on your to-do list, whether it’s written on paper or just in your head. Then it hits you. Somewhere between making the lunches and trying to get work emails done, you can’t remember the last time you did something for yourself, just because you wanted to. Not taking care of someone, but doing something that was meaningful for you.

It’s common to feel the lost identity in motherhood creeping in during the busy days of parenting.

This moment of totally forgetting to move my keys into my new pocketbook made me really think. I realized that I’d been doing so many things for everyone else that I had forgotten how to do things for myself.

When Lost Identity in Motherhood Becomes Your Reality

For a long time, I told myself that this was just a phase. Once the kids were older, I would be able to remember where I put things. Or once work calmed down, I would have more time to do the things that I loved. But then I realized that life just isn’t going to get easier—we just get better at living life, step by step.

This is when I realized I needed to come up with a way to take care of other people and my job without the resentment, frustration, and tears. I started thinking of ways to do the things that I wanted to do, things that were important to me.

What I came up with was a framework that I call THREEE. And the first step is Think—not the scattered, running-on-adrenaline thinking, but thinking that was intentional and asking the hard questions of myself. These questions were: What do I actually want? And who am I when I’m not needed by everyone else?

Permission to Want More

Something I want you to know and understand is that you wanting something for yourself isn’t selfish. It doesn’t make you selfish. Instead, it makes you a human being.

As women, we’ve been conditioned to think that good moms sacrifice everything for their families. It’s been beaten into you over the years that your dreams, your wants, come last—that’s if you even have the time or energy to do something about it.

I know this because I experienced the exact same thing for a long time.

Ultimately, the journey through lost identity in motherhood is common and lots of moms many face this feeling.

What I learned throughout my journey of figuring out who I was outside of my family and work is that when we lose ourselves, we’re actually losing the opportunity to be a better mother, a better wife, or a better employee. Instead, we get resentful, exhausted, and feel empty inside. Just remember: you can’t pour from an empty cup, no matter how much everyone else needs you.

And this is where the Honor step comes in. It’s honoring the things that you want, the secret things that you wish you could do. Maybe your brain is telling you that you deserve more than just surviving day to day—you deserve to live your best life.

The Reset That Changed Everything

After this pocketbook incident, I knew I needed to make some changes. I couldn’t make anything extreme like changing my whole life—first of all, because who has time for that, and second of all, my family means more to me than anything else. What I needed was a Reset, a way to cut through all of the mental clutter and make time and space for what actually mattered to me.

I started getting up a few minutes earlier than my alarm was set for. Just 5 minutes at a time, but then it grew to 10 minutes and then 15 minutes. It was 15 minutes of time that I could do what I wanted. Sometimes I read the latest Dan Brown book, and other times I worked on making a card because I love rubber stamping and I wanted to make sure I had time to celebrate other people’s occasions.

But most of the time, I spent journaling. At first, I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to write or even what I wanted to write. I just knew I had so many random thoughts in my head, and none of them were organized.

Slowly but surely, this time became my connection to myself. It became the time and space where I could remember who I was before I was someone’s mom or someone’s wife or even someone’s employee. This me-time became the place where I could start dreaming again.

Taking Action (Even When It’s Scary)

The next step that I started doing is I started Executing on the things I was journaling about. Sometimes I got stuck thinking that I needed to blow up my whole life, but the thing I realized is that I needed to do small things every day. This is what really started making a difference.

At first, I wondered if my family thought I was being selfish, and I worried about letting someone down. Instead, what happened was that no one even really noticed. The world didn’t end. I was taking time for myself, figuring out what I wanted, and my family slept through it all.

This time I had freed up for myself became something I started to love and look forward to doing. Before I knew it, I was doing it every day.

Eventually, I started planning out how I was going to use my time in the morning so that I could really make use of the time that I had to reconnect with myself, either through journaling or some other craft that I enjoyed doing.

If you love journal prompts and want more, please join my private Facebook Group. I have new journal prompts every week.

Growing Into Who You’re Meant to Be

The beautiful thing about this journey is that it doesn’t end. You don’t arrive at some magical destination where you have it all figured out. Instead, you Evolve—constantly growing, changing, and becoming more of who you’re meant to be.

I’m not the same woman who forgot to put her keys in her new pocketbook, and I’m definitely not the same person who thought that my dreams didn’t matter. I’ve evolved into someone who knows her worth, who protects her time, and who models for her children how to live so that they can give back to their family by taking care of themselves first.

The best part of this is that as you evolve, your vision for what you want Expands. What once felt impossible starts to feel like something you just do every day. Think about the hobby you’ve been thinking about—just start it. That business idea you’ve been carrying around? Just take the first step. And that trip you’ve been dreaming about? You book it.

Your Turn

So here’s my question for you: What would change if you gave yourself permission to want more? What would you change if you honored that voice inside you that knows you’re meant for something beyond just getting through your days?

I’m not asking you to quit your job or leave your family. I’m just asking you to remember that you matter too. Your dreams matter, and your happiness matters. And taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

So I want you to start with 5 minutes. I take my time in the morning because I’m a morning person, but if that doesn’t work for you, then I know that you can find 5 minutes in your day that you can use for something that you want to do, even if it’s just sitting in the dark.

So if you ever find yourself looking for your keys, I want you to remember that you don’t have to lose yourself in this process.

You’ve got this, and I’ve got you.

Are you ready to start your own journey of finding yourself again? You’re going to want to download my free guide “20 Minutes for Me” and take the first step toward figuring out who you are outside of your family and work.

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